I remember sitting in a business meeting at church after a very heated argument over something rather trivial, hearing crying from church members on both sides and those caught in the middle after the argument came to a head in a close vote. I remember how uncomfortable most people felt, being stuck in the middle, probably agreeing with points from both sides, and how others were angry or felt betrayed when they saw who voted against them. I remember the sting of words as those who fought the hardest on the "winning side" smirked on their way out the door and loud enough for those on the other side to hear said, "well, we got our way didn't we?" Like I said, this particular vote was over something that was really trivial. Whether or not a painting should have been taken down. Yet, this trivial argument marked the beginning of the end of a lot of ministries, as some leaders' feelings were too hurt to continue, some began to wonder if their words were falling on deaf ears, or there efforts were even making a difference.
How we react to things can make such a huge difference. Sitting here now, watching the reactions of the conservative people on my social media feeds, many of which are Christians, to the overturning of Roe vs. Wade, I'm feeling that same heartbreak I felt at that business meeting. Christians are not just celebrating, but rubbing this "win" in the faces of those that dare post on social media that they are unhappy with the ruling, even stooping so low as to call them names and mocking them. I have so many problems with the way the conservative right has reacted to this ruling, and I'm going to talk about three of them in this blog.
The first is what I call the Enemy Culture that has plagued Christianity for a very long time. The need for an enemy, finding one in other people, and fighting against them at all costs. This us vs. them mentality is harming The Church on so many levels. Our model is and always will be Jesus. Right? So how are we being like Jesus when we are so starved to go to war with someone that we go up against our neighbor? Jesus took the 10 commandments that God gave us, mankind complicated into thousands of laws, and Jesus simplified them into two: love God, love people. I'll have more on that later, but I bring it up here, because Jesus did not make enemies out of people. Other's made Him their enemy, but Jesus went so far as to heal one of the soldiers who came to arrest Him after His own disciple cut the guy's ear off while trying to protect Jesus. Instead of seeing everyone who believed differently than He did as an enemy who needed to be taken down at all costs, Jesus formed relationships, loved, and spent time with those that modern day Christians have labeled the enemy and battle against, seeing themselves as warriors fighting a war for God, when in reality they are chasing people that God loves away from Him. This Enemy Culture has caused division to the point of there being "winners" and "losers" in how this ruling turned out.
The next problem I see in the response to the ruling is the complete and utter lack of love and empathy. I told you I'd get back to love. Jesus simplified the commandments down to: love God and love people. Yet in the reaction to Roe vs. Wade being overturned, many Christians have shown very little love and absolutely zero empathy. As a matter of fact, they show no empathy at all when it comes to abortion in general. While, praise God, there are exceptions, most church congregations would ostracize a young girl who chose to have an abortion, calling her murderer, wicked, even monster. We have spent so much time arguing over right and wrong and protecting babies that the vast majority of the Christian community have completely turned their backs on the feelings, lives, and souls of the girls and women who have had to make this decision. The reality is that the baby is not the only life affected. I'm not saying that the baby doesn't matter, I'm simply reminding you that the woman does too. Making this decision, or even being put in the position of having to make it, no matter what the final decision ends up being, takes a big enough emotional, physical, and spiritual toll on someone as it is, there is no reason Christians should be adding to that instead of helping shoulder some of that burden.
The last problem I want to talk about here, though again I touched on it earlier, is the misunderstanding Christians seem to have about this whole issue. The pro-life movement refuses to see this as anything but a babies need to be saved issue. Anyone who takes the side of pro-choice is treated as someone who wants to see babies die. Let me be clear here. I am not pro-abortion. Let me also be clear about this. I am pro-choice. I hate the idea of abortion and I do believe life starts at conception. But while I believe that killing babies is wrong, I also believe that forcing a rape victim to carry her attacker's baby to term is also wrong. In a lot of the situations where abortion is considered, there are no answers where anyone comes out feeling like they came out a winner. No matter what the woman chooses, in most cases she loses. But here's the thing, and I'm about to use a trigger word here so bear with me. As a man, I am privileged in that there is no scenario where this decision will be mine to make. So my opinions on the matter, and my ideas of what I would do if I were in her shoes are really not as important as how I can care for her as she is going through this, or as she heals from having gone through it. If she asks for it, I can pray with her, I can offer a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a soothing presence just being there as she cries. If she doesn't I can pray for her from afar, I can continue to treat her like a human being no matter what she chooses, I can make sure she knows that I am here if she needs me, I can let her continue being her. No matter what, there is not a scenario where I should suddenly stop loving her as a human being. I should say that I have been using the pronouns she/her/hers in this blog post, but if you or someone you know or love has or can end up in a scenario where you are deciding on whether or not you will go through with an abortion, please replace she/her/hers with your pronouns and know that it does not change my stance on how I feel that I and the Christian community should be here for you.
I know that in the Christian community, some of the views I have shared are not going to be popular. I know that I may lose friends over some of the opinions I have shared here. My hope, though, is that we can agree that the Christian response to the news that Roe vs. Wade was overturned was a very poor representation of who Jesus is and I hope we can learn from this and start treating those who may disagree with us, not as losers that we beat, or an enemy that we are in the process of vanquishing, but as people in need of love, who are going through a difficult setback in their journey and chosen path, and be there for them as a community of love and empathy.